Who Am I?

Today: a somewhat tired and overwhelmed mom. Someone who struggles to retain a grasp on her dreams. Someone who wonders what the future holds for her, her husband, her children, her parents, her sibling, her nephews, her niece, her in-laws, and those she cares about.

Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. It's times like that, I find personal comfort in my faith. Now I know not everyone is "cool" with the faith aspect. However, it's part of what makes me who I am.

I have one child who struggles with pediatric bipolar (think manic depression) and one child who is a teenager through and through. Trying to find a balance and harmony in our house is a moment by moment challenge.

Then there is the job of trying to ensure our bills get paid to the best of our ability. We do have some minor luxuries but in our case they also are necessities. Internet and computers: Homework requires more and more time in research and writing. Medical information and support groups: time is limited to when I have peace. Yes we have gaming systems: however said daughters medicines have sun warnings. She doesn't understand why at 8 and 9 years old when her friends are out and about during the summer; she cannot be out there. After 2 episodes of heatstroke/sunstroke... we were gifted with the gaming systems. Same theory was our decision factor for having Cable TV.

We justify it as our internet/phone was the same as getting cable/internet/phone. No extra money was taken out of our budget to add the cable. We try to make sure the kids eat healthy, however we don't always have the ability to afford fresh unprocessed foods. America's obese because it cannot afford to eat healthy.

When all is said and done, today: I am a frustrated mother doing the best I can with what I have at my fingertips. Tired of judgements passed by those who haven't walked an INCH in my shoes.

I deal and cope with mental health every moment of every day. I cling to my faith to get me through without resentment at ANYBODY. I avoid politics as it seems as though the politicians have all have lost touch with reality. I struggle to embrace teen 'tude, but know it's part of his learning who he is. I know my marriage is solid, but tell me a day when the stress of daily life isn't pouring over into our contemplations.

We fight. Funny thing about our fights. Most of the time it is us both frustrated with someone or something else and it's a foolish trigger that finally erupts like a volcano. Often we are even saying the same thing.

So, if you want to know why I feel I can write this blog; why I am qualified to make my statements. I can because I do. I live this life. This is what I am about. THIS is who I am.