I remember a time when our daughter was spiralling out of control. The temper tantrums. The manic moments. The moments of being a Klingon and cling on. The looks we got. The comments made. Being told we need a "Supernanny" intervention. That our parenting skills were not what was best for our child. Then she was put on meds.
That's when our emotional and financial roller coaster went out of control. Getting her on the right med. combination was a huge relief. The process though almost killed us. $100 here and $200 there within the month, only to take a couple of doses and find out that these meds. made the situation worse.
And then we got it. One med worked WONDERS for the bipolar only to have it amplify a hyper kinetic core tremor. So we lower that med. dose and add another med. Also to discover that the base med. is being eaten by her liver at a high rate and without the upper dose, it will work less and less as she grows and the body develops a tolerance for that drug.
At the time we didn't know it was a hyper kinetic core tremor. We didn't know for certain without a doubt that it was a med. amplification of the the tremor or a med. induced tremor. So now we know, now after waiting exhaustively for 6 months the cause it's time for change.
I so dread this change. There will be a time period of no meds. We'll be further into the drama. We'll be deeper into the rapid swings. Waiting patiently for her to be able to start her new med. Thankfully we've implemented lots of support around her and given her tools to cope.
So with this dread, also comes hope. Hope that this med. will open doors for her. Less drug interactions. Less drug warnings. Less limits to allow her to be a proper 9/10 year old little girl. Hoping to see her on two meds. Hoping to only have 3 pills (maybe 4) a day to take rather than 9 or 10 pills a day.
That also helps our pocketbook. I don't want to look at the financial side. In four years, more than likely we'll have to file for bankruptcy just because of the mountain of debt tied to medical interventions. Not just with her, rather in general.
As a parent we choose the option to go into debt. To do whatever it takes so that she can succeed, be a productive HEALTHY member of society. Knowing full well that it does weigh onto what we have to work with. We are her advocates. If we don't advocate for her best interest, who will?
Supernanny has proven techniques that work with a good population of children and families HOWEVER, not every family fits into a box. Nor is every child going to respond to the same techniques. So being open is what we need to do. Trial and errors.
And that is where we are in our lives now. Everything is a trial. Somethings work. Some don't and others need a tweak here and there. And often families in our shoes, struggle to find that balance and know that not all things are options. Especially when hoops and red-tape are involved. (blog about Hoops and Tape tomorrow.
So in the meantime... we cling to hope and know that in the end, it's all worth it.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Who Am I?
Today: a somewhat tired and overwhelmed mom. Someone who struggles to retain a grasp on her dreams. Someone who wonders what the future holds for her, her husband, her children, her parents, her sibling, her nephews, her niece, her in-laws, and those she cares about.
Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. It's times like that, I find personal comfort in my faith. Now I know not everyone is "cool" with the faith aspect. However, it's part of what makes me who I am.
I have one child who struggles with pediatric bipolar (think manic depression) and one child who is a teenager through and through. Trying to find a balance and harmony in our house is a moment by moment challenge.
Then there is the job of trying to ensure our bills get paid to the best of our ability. We do have some minor luxuries but in our case they also are necessities. Internet and computers: Homework requires more and more time in research and writing. Medical information and support groups: time is limited to when I have peace. Yes we have gaming systems: however said daughters medicines have sun warnings. She doesn't understand why at 8 and 9 years old when her friends are out and about during the summer; she cannot be out there. After 2 episodes of heatstroke/sunstroke... we were gifted with the gaming systems. Same theory was our decision factor for having Cable TV.
We justify it as our internet/phone was the same as getting cable/internet/phone. No extra money was taken out of our budget to add the cable. We try to make sure the kids eat healthy, however we don't always have the ability to afford fresh unprocessed foods. America's obese because it cannot afford to eat healthy.
When all is said and done, today: I am a frustrated mother doing the best I can with what I have at my fingertips. Tired of judgements passed by those who haven't walked an INCH in my shoes.
I deal and cope with mental health every moment of every day. I cling to my faith to get me through without resentment at ANYBODY. I avoid politics as it seems as though the politicians have all have lost touch with reality. I struggle to embrace teen 'tude, but know it's part of his learning who he is. I know my marriage is solid, but tell me a day when the stress of daily life isn't pouring over into our contemplations.
We fight. Funny thing about our fights. Most of the time it is us both frustrated with someone or something else and it's a foolish trigger that finally erupts like a volcano. Often we are even saying the same thing.
So, if you want to know why I feel I can write this blog; why I am qualified to make my statements. I can because I do. I live this life. This is what I am about. THIS is who I am.
Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. It's times like that, I find personal comfort in my faith. Now I know not everyone is "cool" with the faith aspect. However, it's part of what makes me who I am.
I have one child who struggles with pediatric bipolar (think manic depression) and one child who is a teenager through and through. Trying to find a balance and harmony in our house is a moment by moment challenge.
Then there is the job of trying to ensure our bills get paid to the best of our ability. We do have some minor luxuries but in our case they also are necessities. Internet and computers: Homework requires more and more time in research and writing. Medical information and support groups: time is limited to when I have peace. Yes we have gaming systems: however said daughters medicines have sun warnings. She doesn't understand why at 8 and 9 years old when her friends are out and about during the summer; she cannot be out there. After 2 episodes of heatstroke/sunstroke... we were gifted with the gaming systems. Same theory was our decision factor for having Cable TV.
We justify it as our internet/phone was the same as getting cable/internet/phone. No extra money was taken out of our budget to add the cable. We try to make sure the kids eat healthy, however we don't always have the ability to afford fresh unprocessed foods. America's obese because it cannot afford to eat healthy.
When all is said and done, today: I am a frustrated mother doing the best I can with what I have at my fingertips. Tired of judgements passed by those who haven't walked an INCH in my shoes.
I deal and cope with mental health every moment of every day. I cling to my faith to get me through without resentment at ANYBODY. I avoid politics as it seems as though the politicians have all have lost touch with reality. I struggle to embrace teen 'tude, but know it's part of his learning who he is. I know my marriage is solid, but tell me a day when the stress of daily life isn't pouring over into our contemplations.
We fight. Funny thing about our fights. Most of the time it is us both frustrated with someone or something else and it's a foolish trigger that finally erupts like a volcano. Often we are even saying the same thing.
So, if you want to know why I feel I can write this blog; why I am qualified to make my statements. I can because I do. I live this life. This is what I am about. THIS is who I am.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Life Happens
Two things that every person has in common, no matter who or where they are is this: we start out as a baby and we all die. What happens in between is life. It's what shapes us. Life happens. Some encounter more challenges and mountains. While others are sheltered and have no idea what is out there.
Parts of our life we can prepare for. Other parts storm in with no warning and take everything and change it. Changing our focus. Changing our view and sometimes even our opinions. Sometimes it's a mix, you start off with it being planned and it changes suddenly or the other way around with it changing suddenly and you start planning for that change.
Life. Pregnancy. Death. Birth. College. Education. Illness. Marriage. Divorce. Handicaps. Accidents. Deteriorating homes and vehicles. Catastrophic events both natural and man made. Careers. Job Loss. It's all part of life.
We dream how life is going to be "perfect" as kids. Sometimes watching it fall apart already. Or soaring towards "infinity and beyond". We dream of what our life will be like as adults, almost rushing through our childhood.
Then comes reality for most of us. Reality crashes down on us, sometimes crushing our dreams or smothering our ambitions. We listen to society around us and wonder why bother. It's then that we need to cling to our dreams most. Push that ambition to the limit or change it's focus. Attitude is key.
We may never accomplish our dreams or life's ambition but realization doesn't mean we can't still work towards mini goals that may someday bring us face to face. I refuse to allow the negativity around me dictate that I'm not worth striving for those goals.
I will succeed. Maybe not the same way that I once thought. I am successful in my own right. I have not let obstacles and challenges take away ME. I am still ME. This is my defiant yell to society, don't judge. You don't know my story... yet. Take this journey and realize that life happens. How we embrace it is what makes us who we are.
Parts of our life we can prepare for. Other parts storm in with no warning and take everything and change it. Changing our focus. Changing our view and sometimes even our opinions. Sometimes it's a mix, you start off with it being planned and it changes suddenly or the other way around with it changing suddenly and you start planning for that change.
Life. Pregnancy. Death. Birth. College. Education. Illness. Marriage. Divorce. Handicaps. Accidents. Deteriorating homes and vehicles. Catastrophic events both natural and man made. Careers. Job Loss. It's all part of life.
We dream how life is going to be "perfect" as kids. Sometimes watching it fall apart already. Or soaring towards "infinity and beyond". We dream of what our life will be like as adults, almost rushing through our childhood.
Then comes reality for most of us. Reality crashes down on us, sometimes crushing our dreams or smothering our ambitions. We listen to society around us and wonder why bother. It's then that we need to cling to our dreams most. Push that ambition to the limit or change it's focus. Attitude is key.
We may never accomplish our dreams or life's ambition but realization doesn't mean we can't still work towards mini goals that may someday bring us face to face. I refuse to allow the negativity around me dictate that I'm not worth striving for those goals.
I will succeed. Maybe not the same way that I once thought. I am successful in my own right. I have not let obstacles and challenges take away ME. I am still ME. This is my defiant yell to society, don't judge. You don't know my story... yet. Take this journey and realize that life happens. How we embrace it is what makes us who we are.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Life Is Not Black or White
We live in a very judgemental society. Life for most people fall into two categories, like Dr. Suess' book about the Sneetches: The Haves and the Have Nots. We forget about those that had and now cannot. We forget how life can change in a moment with no warning often.
Sometimes when our lives change, it's things we planned or can anticipate. However, what about those times when life knocks on our door and says, "Hello. I'm changing the game." Life is what we make of it. Life is what do with it.
Our experiences shape our responses. However, lately when I watch the news or read the news articles, I struggle to contain my disappointment with how it comes across as a black and/or white world. That either you are right with your opinion, or wrong as the case may be.
How many of us look at the facts that are presented and struggle to endorse either "side" of the issue? How many of us look at the picture and wonder what's the story or lesson NOT being told? Or the fact that life lately is turning into a Catch-22.
I'm here sharing my viewpoint. I'm here to remind if no one but myself and my children: Life is NOT black or white, or even black AND white. There are often shades of vibrant colors that you choose what to do with. It's all about how you take life and the attitude that goes with it.
Sometimes when our lives change, it's things we planned or can anticipate. However, what about those times when life knocks on our door and says, "Hello. I'm changing the game." Life is what we make of it. Life is what do with it.
Our experiences shape our responses. However, lately when I watch the news or read the news articles, I struggle to contain my disappointment with how it comes across as a black and/or white world. That either you are right with your opinion, or wrong as the case may be.
How many of us look at the facts that are presented and struggle to endorse either "side" of the issue? How many of us look at the picture and wonder what's the story or lesson NOT being told? Or the fact that life lately is turning into a Catch-22.
I'm here sharing my viewpoint. I'm here to remind if no one but myself and my children: Life is NOT black or white, or even black AND white. There are often shades of vibrant colors that you choose what to do with. It's all about how you take life and the attitude that goes with it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)